Confronting the past
by lovelyvah
Summary: The title says everything: Jack McCoy finally finds courage to talk about his past with Claire.
1. Chapter 1

I've been thinking about this and now I started writing. I hope you guys like it! I'm always happy to receive reviews - either loving the story or helping me to improve my writing - so, feel free to drop a review!

**Summary**: Jack finally took the courage to talk about his past with the woman he really loved. All the memories his mother told him, the childhood memories - the good ones and the bad ones - and finally, how it was to get away from a house with an abusive father. Is he going to handle all these emotions he had been hiding for so long?

Alright, L&O belongs to Dick Wolf! I'm here just having a lot of fun with the characters.

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**Chapter 1**

He had promissed her that he was gonna tell the story of his childhood. He already knew her life, her parents… but she didn't know a bit about him. Now she needed to know.

"Claire." Jack began. "There's something I need you to know."

"What?" she was almost afraid of knowing what it was.

"I… You need to know how my childhood was… How my father was a son of a bitch and…"

"I wondered when you were gonna trust me enough to talk about it."

"It wasn't about trust… It never was." He got up and went to the window, trying to catch a little bit of air. "It was about… The pain. I never wanted to deal with the pain but now since my life is settling down, I need you to know me. You know the Jack McCoy workaholic and lover, now I need you to know the screwed Jack McCoy."

Some tears started appearing in his eyes and he didn't bother to wipe them. He knew he didn't need to hide anymore.

"Then sit here, Jack, and tell me everything." He went to the sofa and Claire hugged him. Jack laid his head on her shoulder and tried to relax.

"Ok…"

**1940 –**

Mrs. McCoy was happy to be pregnant and showed that to everybody who wanted to see. She was uncertain if her husband was going to be able to support the family with just a cop's salary, but tried to be optimist, after all, she was going to start a family.

Mr. McCoy, on the other hand, was not very happy to know his wife was going to have a baby. It wasn't on his plans and that surprise took him to a road he knew there was no come back: drinking. He spent most of the day thinking how he was gonna give them support and at night, the bar was the best place to forget all of that.

**--------------**

"He started to drink before you were born?"

"According to my mom, yes. He couldn't even stand up for his family…" Jack answered with bitterness on his voice.

**--------------**

Mrs. McCoy was tired of waking up in the middle of the night to try to carry her drunken husband. No, it wasn't the life she wanted to have. Every night it was the same hell, the same nightmare. One of those nights, something different happened.

John McCoy entered in the house almost falling on the floor but managed to get into the bed which was empty. He looked around confused and found a note by the floor. With extreme difficulty, he read the note.

_I'm in the hospital, our child is coming! I hope you are sober enough to come._

After reading that, he instantly fell asleep.

**--------------**

Jack cried on Claire's shoulders and felt her hands go through his salt and pepper hair.

"I'm so sorry, Jack… I…" she started and was silenced by his look.

"No, don't feel. I preferred he wasn't there… not drunk like he must have been."

"You want to go on?"

"Of course."


	2. Chapter 2

First, I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I'm kinda extremely busy... but well, I hope everybody likes this chapter! Any comments or any suggestions, please hit the review bottom!

To the story...

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**Chapter 2**

**1941 –**

John James Jack McCoy was trying to get up so he could reach his mom's hand but wasn't getting any results.

"Come on, baby… Come on."

"Mommy!" the little McCoy extended his small hands to her mother and she grabbed them.

"Come here, my little baby."

"So, how are you, honey?" Mrs. McCoy's mother said as she sat by her daughter's side with a cup of tea.

"I'm OK. John got a promotion and now he's working as a detective."

"It doesn't help to much." The older woman commented.

"But it's a start."

"How did you got knocked up, sweetheart? Actually, I don't know why you're married to this man."

"You know I love him, mom. We didn't plan to have a child but we are going to work out. He likes this boy…" she rubbed her son's hair. "I know we are going to be OK."

"He _likes_ his son?" the older woman asked in disbelief. "He should _love_ him!"

"He does, mom! Damn!"

**--------------**

"So… Your grandmother didn't like your father?"

"No, she never did. When I got older, she used to say that my mom did a terrible mistake by marring my old man. I just realized that she was telling the truth when I saw him for the first time beating up my mom."

"How old were you?" Claire asked incredulously.

"I was six years old."

**--------------**

The six years old boy has hided himself behind the door that led to his parent's bedroom. He was trying to listen to his parent's fight and heard someone yelling.

"YOU'RE A SON OF A BITCH, YOU KNOW THAT?! I'M PREGNANT AGAIN AND I NEED YOU TO STOP DRINKING!" his mother was almost crying.

"I don't _fucking_ care about this pregnancy! I've NEVER wanted a goddamn son! Now I'm going to have a SECOND ONE! How that looks to you, huh? We don't have enough money to support ourselves now… Imagine with this second child? I should have NEVER got married!" his father yelled back and the boy heard a sound of someone slapping another person.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD!!" the other slap had a louder sound and his mother started sobbing.

John McCoy Jr. knew that this last slap was on his mother. He entered into the bedroom and started punching his father's leg. John McCoy Senior pushed his son away and grabbed his wife.

"Let's just make a deal, here… I own this house, I'm the boss here, and you _will_ respect me! Understood?"

"This won't happen, this doesn't EXIST!" Mrs. McCoy yelled to him, crying more, and was slapped again. This time, John McCoy Jr. was the one who cried and yelled.

"LEAVE HER ALONE, PLEASE!"

"Shut up, stupid kid!" his father yelled back. "You look like a faggot. Grow up, boy! Learn how to be a man… I'll teach you how to be a man." He went to the bed where his belt was and tried to grab his son's arm.

Mrs. McCoy grabbed her son quickly and ran to the basement. There was a moment she though she was going to die there but she saw a small room where they putted a lot of boxes and it was almost hided by a fridge. She locked herself and her son in the room and heard the noises of her husband kicking chairs and boxes around the place. He said something and left the basement.

She was shaking and so was her son. Now she knew her life wouldn't be the same thing again, she had to protect herself and her son from her own husband. John McCoy Jr. started crying and she rubbed softly his short hair.

"It will be OK, sweetheart."

"Are you sure, mom?"

"Yes, I'm sure, my love."

**--------------**

"So… From that point on, the hell started. And, of course, he made the words _I'll teach you how to be a man _become real. I was his toy at the bar and my mom couldn't do anything. Of course, I learned a lot of things with this experience but it was more traumatic than anything else." Jack raised his head to look deeply into Claire's eyes and found compassion.

"Geez Jack… I never thought it was so bad… But I guess this is just the beginning."

He went to the kitchen and caught beer for both of them. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
